then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
