he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
