You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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