So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
