If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
