I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
