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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
