If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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