i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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