I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
