Your tits are I can't wait for
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize