I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
