i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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