I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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