Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
