how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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