she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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