apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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