did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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