Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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