Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize