Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
