Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
