someone threw a dead crab at me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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