His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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