there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
