how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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