areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
