you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
