Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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