i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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