theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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