genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
