my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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