So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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