if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
