Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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