He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
