I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
