what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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