Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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