apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
