Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
