I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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