At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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