After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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