She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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