I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
