the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
