thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize