that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
