Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
