if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
