Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
