Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
