In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
