well you can't waste a boner
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My life is pants optional.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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