just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The air was thick with penises
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
