Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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