Farmville is her only friend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
