I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
