Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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