Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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