I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
