i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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